Boris Johnson ends shit-show by resigning

The walking talking embodiment of everything that is wrong with the UK political and class system, Prime-Minister Boris Johnson has finally resigned after a scandal filled premiership that has not only tanked the UK economy, but also left us as a global laughing stock. 

If though you were expecting some humility, or even acknowledgment of his fuck-up’s then his resignation speech was to offer nothing of the sort. Instead we were treated to an ego-centric list of his accomplishments, which totaled three, blame thrown at the herd mentality of the equally morally corrupt Conservative Party, as well as whole heap of self-pity. 

And yet despite the damage he he brought to the country as well as the global embarrassment, we can at least rejoice in the fact that due to our in what Boris termed “Darwinian” political system he would not see out a full term in office. 

What were the achievements of Boris Johnson?

Boris actually listed four achievements, namely winning a huge majority at the last election, which cannot be denied, but also rolling out the fastest vaccination in Europe, delivering Brexit, as well as leading the stand against Putin. We will deal with these achievements one by one.

Britain was indeed one of the fastest countries to roll out its vaccine program, but this was only after none other than Boris himself stated he would rather “see bodies on the streets that halt the economy”. This was something he obviously denied saying, but also far from the worst thing the xenophobic, sexist and elitist has either said, or written. This not to mention the time he conspired to have someone beaten-up. 

That we achieved the fastest vaccination rates occurred while we as nation practiced vaccine nationalism, people died on mass and the PM did not even follow his own rules, in fact breaking the law while not doing so. 

And as to delivering Brexit? This was not a man delivering Brexit, but a man dealing with the paramount shit show that he created. He was the one that lead the charge for us to leave the EU, all the time promising we would have billions of pounds more and would get a seamless deal with Europe. We have had none of this and worst still the Northern Ireland issue still very much remains.

And as for leading the charge in Europe in standing up to Putin? The only reason the PM survived partygate was the fact that Putin invaded the Ukraine and one must wonder if he partly at least was relived when they did so. Johnson makes no bones about his love of Churchill and it is no secret he wants to be him, the whole affair had a somewhat wag the dog feel to it. In fact and much like Churchill, Johnson acted as a warmonger not a peacemaker sending hundreds of millions in aid to Ukraine while people in the UK are suffering from the worst cost of living crisis in living memory. In the end though not even Putin and the very real threat of thermonuclear war could keep this baboon in a job. 

What was the straw that broke the camels back?

There’s reason that this constant law-breaking, cheating idiot was called teflon and that was because no matter how big the fuck-up nothing seemed to stick on him. He managed to survive lying about Brexit, survive screwing up Covid, as well as actually breaking the law whilst in office, the first ever serving British Prime-Minister to do so.

In the end what sunk the good ship Johnson was something very simple. Boris Johnson had approved the appointment of notorious boozer and groper Chris Pincher as deputy chief-whip, which although sounding kinky means someone in charge of party discipline (OK that still sounds a bit kinky). 

Pincher allegedly, well not allegedly groped two men at a private members (no pun intended) club touching their arse and groins. This led to a slew of historical complaints suggesting this was far from something new. One kudos for Pincher is at least he admits he’s gay, with these scandals usually involving “straight” married politicians. 

Johnson claimed he didn’t know Pincher was a pincher and groper, only to be found out to have lied again. This led to 51 ministers, or members of the government resigning. Even then Johnson still tried to cling to power according to his speech trying to reason with colleagues about why he should stay.

Alas the gig was up and even teflon BoJo could not survive this one. One of his final gambits was that he told colleagues it would be “eccentric to leave while we are achieving so much”. The country is currently in economic peril with record inflation and perhaps irreconcilable damage to our democracy, the only eccentric thing to happen was allowing this dangerous man to lead our country for so long.